Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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