Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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