My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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