Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
