i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
