did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
