Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
