Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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