There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
