you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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