im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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