On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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