i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
It's rum buckets o'clock
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
