That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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