Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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