hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
