you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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