She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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