first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
