Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
