I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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