ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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