New low: just hacked my moms facebook
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
