To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
