I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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