i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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