Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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