yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
