I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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