I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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