She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
