I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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