she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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