i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
