ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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