well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
