He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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