The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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