Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
