Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
