I got chris browned last night
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
