addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
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