Your mouth is God's brothel.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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