highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
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