dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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