i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I stole a fireplace last night.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
