i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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