Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
