Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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