It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
