someone owes me an orgasm
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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