Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
