I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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