God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
