Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I think your dad took our porno
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
