How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
She just used a chaser for red wine.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
