I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Oh god it's open bar.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
