WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I need moral support for this bender
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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