I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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