we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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