More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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