My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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