There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
