so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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