Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
