I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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