Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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