i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
