Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
