So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
We need to get me chipped asap
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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