I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
