woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Randomize
