So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
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