I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
then he tried to convert me to islam
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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