i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
