take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
