Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
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