Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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