You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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