I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
