im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
