Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
