my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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