I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
My room smells like vodka and shame
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
