I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
