Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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