Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
