I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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