Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
