I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
