drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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