Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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