feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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