I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
